Eyes like yours
by hilja
Summary: Leah's eyes used to sparkle with life, but now they are dead. Why? Why won't she look anyone in the eyes anymore? What has Sam done to her? And what further horrors is he planning? CALLWATER, Sam OOC. Warning! Mentions of rape and abuse.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: **Disclaimer: Don't own any characters.

So I was thinking about how Embry – who I picture as very sensitive and sweet – could end up with Leah (who I view as a little bit too feisty for Embry). What would make Embry perfect for her, and I came up with this...

Sam will be behaving OOC (or maybe this is his true hidden nature?!), so **in case you happen to like Sam this is NOT a story for you to read**, because in this he is an evil and cruel psycho (but seriously when isn't he a selfish bastard?), who in time will get his just desert.

**WARNING! Mentions of rape.**

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**HATE**

Sam's POV:

It's her eyes. Eyes he ones thought of as two precious jewels in his possession now accuse him. Defy him. Challenge him. She taunts him with her cold stare. Her piercing gaze questions and undermines him, his position as Alpha, his commands, his manliness. He hates those eyes, hates them. Sometimes he thinks about puncturing her eyes with a sharp object, a stick, maybe even a fork, so she would stop looking at him like she sees right through him, like she sees who he really is, an impostor, a pussy, not a real man at all.

She is not to look at him like that! He won't allow it.

He remembers how everything was so easy in the beginning, when she was 15 and looked at him with awe. He liked those first months of their relationship very much. He can't understand what happened to the cute, smiling, amiable girl. The one who would listen to him and do as he asked, the one who aimed to please him. He certainly doesn't know why she has turned into this angry, sarcastic, furious bitch. Why is she being so fucking difficult all the time? She _makes _them hate her, it's _her_ _own _fault. Why couldn't she, can't she, be more like Emily? Then he might still be able to love her.

She started acting up more and more as their relationship progressed, rebelling against him, and he had to bend her will harder and harder. Sometimes even use a little force. Not that he ever hit her, he would never do something like that! Sometimes he just got so mad at her that he had to grip her ams. Roughly! If she hadn't been so stubborn, he wouldn't have had to do that.

He remembers how she once had slapped him across the face, so of course he shook her a little, to teach her to never do that again. Her eyes had grown wide with fear. He remembers the powerful rush he felt when he saw that. The memory makes him feel good, makes him smile. But it's not like he did any of this for himself. You can't think that! No, he did it all for her sake, her own good!

For someone considered intelligent, she is incredibly dumb. She still hasn't learned that _he _is the man, that _he _is in command, and that the woman always is to follow a man's orders! This is such basic knowledge, she should have learned it by now. Why couldn't she understand something as simple as that? Had her parents raised her better, he wouldn't have been forced to call her a whore for instance. At times his words made her cry, but these words were said for her own benefit. Why was she acting slutty and flirting? Why was she wearing short skirts desiring the looks of other boys? Why was she lying to him? If she had listened to him and done as he told her, he wouldn't had to hurt her. She forced him to the kind of behavior. It was her fault!

Always, always did he comfort her afterwards, and told her that he forgave her. He was a kind man. Much kinder than she deserved.

Selfless, that is a good word to describe him. She on the other side has always been selfish. Always. Even now, _she has a choice_. As usual, she chooses wrong. That's what happens when a woman thinks she can make descisions on their own, all women need a strong man to lead them. A man like him! She doesn't have to act like this. She could listen to him better. She could try to better her ways. They would surely forgive her if she showed them respect, if she showed _him_ respect. It's not like _he _had a choice in any of his actions. He has always done what is the best for the tribe, for his family, for her. With eyes as big and bright as hers it's amazing how she always been too blind to see it.

He believes in freedom of speech and freedom of thought. Of course! He is American after all, but he does not believe in _LIES_! That's why he has forbidden her to think of certain things. The Alpha command is given because her version of things isn't right. Simply put she is a liar!

With her mind connected to the pack, he has to take new precautions so her false memories don't take a hold. So of course he commands her not to think of that night. Ever! Who wouldn't do the same?

It's not like he raped her. He is not a rapist! He is Sam Uley for fucks sake, he doesn't need to rape a girl to get her in bed!

The truth is that she was a tease. It was her own fault, besides she wanted it. A lot of girls say _NO _when they really mean _YES_. She was just playing hard to get, claiming she was scared and didn't want to. He had waited. Three years. Isn't that being patient? Didn't that mean that he deserved a reward?

It's not like she tried to fight him off either, the way she was trying to push him off was just for show. She didn't even say the word '_NO_' very convincingly, it was more of a whisper. He might not even have heard it, come to think of it. So how can it be considered rape? Of course he had to persuade her a little one could say, talk her into it, that's what he likes to call it, and undress her because she refused to do it herself. But that's normal for a girls first time, isn't it? To be nervous like that, whimpering and trembling and crying, pleading for the guy to stop. It was all an act on her part, so he would think she was a good girl. But he didn't buy her act, because she had shown time and time again that she was not a good girl, but a dirty little slut.

He was a passionate man, that is why he ripped her clothes off, and he had to hold her arms in a tight grip, but just because she didn't seem to know how to caress him. She was a virgin after all. That's also why there was so much blood on the forest floor, something he noticed once he finished, but if she was bruised, bleeding and hurt a little it was because the sex was wild, animalistic even, the way he liked it. And he couldn't be blamed for that, he was a wolf by then, not really aware of his own strength yet. Hell, he was kind enough to get her really drunk too before it happened, so she could loosen up a little, she was always so stiff around him by that time. So pouring that vodka down her throat while pinning her under him was done out of concern for her, cause it would hurt her less if she was relaxed.

Afterwards she had laid motionless, her eyes dead, sobbing and asking him '_Why did he do that to her?'_

_Why? Was she stupid?_ He did it because she had asked for it, that's why. Besides, she wanted it, he knew she wanted it! She was nothing but a whore after all, and whores like it rough, whores need to be taught lessons, whores need to be thought who is in command.

She needed to learn that she couldn't just decide to leave him out of a whim. Who was she thinking she was, avoiding him and telling him and their friends that they were through, breaking up with him? Stupid girl! Did she think she could just up and leave? But he did show her, he did. Those weeks, well months actually, when she would slam the door in his face when he showed up, not take his calls, walk the other way when he saw her meant nothing, since he was the one to chose to stay or to go, all these events leading up to this night where he proved to her that he was not the kind of guy a girl just could decide to break up from. How could she think that she could leave him?! That night was his way of teaching her that she couldn't just decide to break up, just like that. He had waited and he earned the right to be her first, to be her only! He simply took what was rightfully his!

Later he had to have a very uncomfortable talk with her and make her understand that she couldn't go around spreading lies about him, like she already had tried to lie to Emily. He had to tell her that he would hurt her brother if she ever repeated her lie to anyone. That shut her up! Of course Sam would never actually do anything to hurt Seth, maybe just scare him a little if necessary to stop his sisters lies, but after all, that would have been Leah's fault if he had have to hurt Seth. Luckily for them all she stopped, and now with the Alpha command he don't have to worry about her spreading these lies anymore.

Not that anyone would believe her anyway.

Thank god he was able to convince Emily of that what Leah had told her about that night on the phone, the reason why Emily had come to La Push, was a complete and utter lie! He is grateful for being very good with words and making people see things his way, he doesn't want to think of what might have had happened if anyone would've believed or listened to Leah and her poisonous words.

Emily, unlike Leah, is perfection! She never says no to him, never tells lies, never believes the lies Leah has tried to tell her about him. Emily always listens carefully to what he has to say and does everything exactly the way he likes it. She is a great cook, she keeps the house clean, she stays at home so he won't have to fear her flirting with other men or being unfaithful, and she doesn't have any ridiculous dreams thinking she could be something special, that she is better than him.

Leah disgusts him now. The word slut, that he so many a time has called her in his mind and sometimes to her face, is now openly whispered about Leah by many of the inhabitants of La Push, the ones that see her in the company of his pack. Of course he will not let anyone else touch her, but he likes how she has fallen from grace. He wants her to know how disgusting she is to others, how he was right about her all along.

Her pride, that is what is the matter with her, the way she still thinks she is special, even after he has shown her that she is nothing but a whore. Her idiotic belief that she could accomplish anything she set her mind to. Look where it all took her! She is running around in the woods half-naked or as a wolf, no college for her, no travels around the world. She is nothing special at all. _HE IS!_ He is the Alpha of La Push, an honored member of the council. He is Sam Uley, someone to be reckoned. She is _nothing_.

Nobody can understand why she is chosen to be a protector. It's not like she deserves the honor of it. But he remembers the story of Utlapa, the Quileute Judas. She is Utlapa, he often thinks, she has a role to play, the role of the traitor. So he keeps a close watch so he can detect the second she will betray them, betray her tribe, betray her family, betray _HIM_ – like she already did when she was a mere human. He waits for it, knows she will betray him again, if he gives her a chance. So he doesn't.

He makes sure everyone else in the pack – except her ridiculously loyal brother – is suspicious of her as well. He makes sure they all stay clear of her, that they all despise her. He fears she might win followers otherwise. He knows the strength in her, because he has fought a long time, fought many hard battles to bend her to his will, and sledom succeeding completely. Some might claim that he has done his best to break her, but that's not true. He was only trying to mold her to become the kind of a girl, the kind of a woman, he wished for. What's the harm in that? He was doing her a favor! He was trying to make her better!

Some of the pack members are hard to convince of siding against her, but he knows how to do it.

Quil he gets through Claire, talking about how Leah hates children and how she has been nasty to little Claire making Claire cry pinching her arms when nobody sees. To check if this is true isn't anything Quil bothers to do, because why would Sam lie to him?

Paul always envied her family, so it is easy to show him images of Leah talking about her family like they were the royalty of La Push and bad mouthing Paul's. Jared is his cousin and thus bound to side with him no matter what, so he doesn't even bother to create any false images to show him. Brady and Collin are too young to think for themselves, too afraid of him and his power to have their own thoughts.

With Seth he doesn't even try, he knows it it is of no use, so he makes sure Seth gets no wind of anything, always making the Clearwater's patrol together, isolating them from the others.

Embry proves to be the most difficult, Sam has to use a lot of trickery for this, because the idiot for some reason thinks very highly of Leah, adores her even. So Sam lets_ her_ read his mind replaying images and words supposedly said by Embry. The words are not exactly true, maybe not even close to the truth, but Sam is very good at these mind games. He has had the most practice in hiding and altering his thoughts, so he lets her see images where Embry says things like '_She's a disgusting cheap whore, I don't get how anyone could ever like her, she killed her father, that shows just what kind of cold-hearted bitch she is.'_ Sam congratulates himself when she buys these false images, these lies fed by him, and silently laughs when she launches her vengeful thoughts at Embry, attacking him, hurting his feelings. That gets the pack to dislike her even more, because they all think she attacks Embry out of the blue, Embry who is so kind and compassionate, Embry who is fair and just, Embry who thinks ill of no one. Sam takes pleasure in the fact that Embry is hurting, maybe even a little bit more than in the fact that his plan is successful. He doesn't like the gentleness Embry shows Leah, he doesn't like how the others appreciate Embry's company, he hates the fact that Embry just might be his brother by blood.

Jacob is hard to convince too, but this she manages almost on her own, getting annoyed about how he constantly puts his foot in his mouth and also by Sam planting images in the heads of the others, never knowing they came from him. Thoughts of how she is pitiful and weak, a whiny harpy, always complaining about nothing, while Jake is heroic in his silent suffering having real reason to complain unlike her. This unfair comparison makes hurts her and so she is harsh towards Jacob, who himself believes that he is the one who has titled her 'bitter harpy', when in fact it is Sam who has manipulated that term into his mind. When Jake is off to Canada – sure it's Bella's choice of Edward that does it – Sam makes sure everyone gets the impression that Leah is the one who caused Jake's leave of absence. Even the elders. To them he paints the picture of a very mean and heartless Leah pushing Jake away with her cruelty despite how they all try to show her nothing but kindness and patience. Even her own mother believes Sam's words. Soon she will have no-one! He delights in this.

He is also pleased that Jake is gone, that Jacob Black shows himself weak. Sam feels stronger then. No one will question him as the Alpha when the heir of Ephraim Black fails and fails over and over again, for the sake of a leech-lover who isn't even his imprint.

It's not like Sam hasn't seen Billy Black's eyes assessing and then questioning him, Sam, seen how Billy Black awaits his son to be ready to embrace the role tradition wants him to have, taking Sam's place. It will never happen, he will see to it. He will not give up this spot that he has earned. Harry Clearwater looked at him in the same judgmental manner, and he saw that Harry somehow concluded that he fell just a little short of something, that Harry had the audacity to think that he was not good enough for his daughter.

Well, look at him now! He is the Alpha, Harry is laying in his grave due to his daughter and she is the most hated bitch of the entire La Push, the omega of his pack, even below Seth and the two other pups. He revels in this, having her under his command. Where she belongs!

But still her eyes haunts him, his dreams, his nightmares, his waking moments. That's why he has a plan. It will take him some time to act it out, because despite his best efforts, some of his stupid pack members still care for her. Like that dumb fucker Embry who forgives her for every harsh word she has said to him for some god damned reason. Is he in love with her? He better not be because that will mean that Sam will have to punish him too.

Sam is confident that his plan is a good one, and soon she will exist only due to his mercy. Then she will be his forever and always, his to do whatever he wishes to! Oh, he does have plans!

She will beg, she will look at him with fear and respect, she will honor him like he deserves.

He already basks in the glory of the moment when he will sink his teeth deep into her neck and press down until she lies belly up and surrenders to him completely, when she begs, cries and prays for mercy He just has to wait until the entire pack is ready for him to do it, until they all hate her enough, until no one will come to her defense, until they hate her so much that they won't listen to her brothers pleas, how they all will join in breaking her will, showing her that she is nothing, _nothing_, _NOTHING _without him!


	2. Chapter 2

**FEAR**

Embry's POV:

Her eyes used to shine so brightly, with such blinding light that looking into them was like being blinded by the sun. Looking into her eyes used to make him feel like he was glowing too. But now when he looks into her eyes he feels cold. It's like her eyes are dead. _Why?_

Is it because of Sam?

Embry doesn't like the way Sam thinks of Leah. He can't understand how he can be so cold hearted and mean towards her, so indifferent. It hurts to listen to Sam's thoughts. He doesn't like the images of Leah that he sees in Sam's head, that are often repeated in the heads of the others to such a degree they become the truth. _'She was always a bitch and a slut'_ Sam thinks and shows an image of Leah at the age of sixteen saying something defiant to Sam, then laughing at a bonfire with her friends - some of them are boys, but so what? - in a short skirt, but not shorter than anyone else's, definitely not one that Embry would ever consider slutty. In fact he thinks she looks very beautiful in the image Sam shows, like an angel.

If Sam has always thought she was a bitch and a slut, why did he date her? Embry doesn't get that. Besides it's not true that she always was a bitch, and she has never once acted slutty to his knowledge.

Embry remembers a very different girl from the pictures painted by Sam. His memories are of a girl that smiles kindly and talks to him in the hallways despite that she was popular and he was a shy freshman. He remembers a Leah who invited him and Jake and Quil to her birthday parties just because. He remembers a Leah who gave him and his mother a ride when it was pouring and they had walked to the store, even though she was headed in the other direction. He remembers a Leah who tutored him when he almost failed maths, not because she had to or someone even asked, but because she saw him struggling with his math homework in the school library. He remembers a Leah who walked him home when he had fallen in the playground and scraped his knee. He remembers a Leah who has kind bright eyes that see right into his soul filling him with warmth and light, eyes that always tell the truth, eyes that tell a story.

Her eyes tell a story now too, a story of hurt and betrayal, and something of Sam that he first doesn't want to believe, but becomes more and more afraid of, because Leah looks at Sam is like she knows that Sam is dangerous. The way Sam looks at Leah confirms it. He has done something to her, something that makes her fear him, fear all of them.

Openly Leah doesn't show that she is afraid of Sam, but Embry can see how cautious she is around Sam, how cautious she is around all of them, keeping them at an arms length, like she is waiting for Sam and the pack to try to hurt her even more than he already is, than they already are. It's like she is preparing for battle. Somehow he gets the feeling that her attacking the newborn on her own was a way for her to test her strength should she be attacked.

Why is that? Embry is almost too scared to finish his train of thought.

The way Leah acts around Sam, around all of them, except her little brother, reminds him of his own mother. He knows the real reason to why his mom never dates anyone, why she doesn't look any man in the eye, and never walks home alone after nightfall. She hasn't told him, probably never would, because she loves him and wants to spare him of the agony of knowing the truth. But he found her diaries and read them in secret, diaries she wrote at the age of seventeen, the same year he was conceived. Reading them is something he wishes undone, he wishes he didn't know the truth about his parentage, the truth about why she never talks about his father, why she acts like he hasn't one, why she claims he is solely hers.

The name is spelled Joshua Uley, the act rape.

He has new fears after he found this diary, fears that he never allows himself to think of as a wolf. Is it true that the apple never falls far from the tree? If so, will he too become like the only person in the world that he truly hates? Will he follow in the footsteps of Joshua Uley? Is his fathers crimes imprinted in his DNA?

He feels dirtied by the knowledge, he wants to peel off his own skin. To make matters worse he knows that despite the deep love his mother feels for him, has always shown him, she too secretly fears that he will prove to be his father's son ever since he started sneaking out at night without giving any explanation to her, ever since she learned that he has joined the group of boys that hang around Sam _Uley_.

He prays every night he will be nothing like either of the Uley's. He pledges he will become a better man.

He is very wary of his thoughts around Sam and around the others. He only trusts Jake nowadays, but Jake is too wrapped up in his love triangle to notice anything out of order with Sam. Jake doesn't notice how afraid Leah is. And then Jake is off to Canada, making Embry feel lonely and fearing even more that something will happen to Leah when Jake is gone, fearing that he alone will not be enough to protect her. Of course he has Quil, but Quil never keeps his thoughts to himself so Embry doesn't share his concerns with him. And Seth is too young, too innocent, too uncorrupted to be burdened with fears like this.

Embry keeps quiet, follows orders but keeps a close watch. Something is not right. Not right at all.

He phases every time Leah is on patrol, quietly, in secret, not letting anyone know he too is phased at the same time. He has learned to do that, make himself unnoticed. This is a measure of precaution he takes out of fear of what Sam might do when Leah is walking home alone through the woods. He doesn't know if he has a real reason for his fears, but it feels better to do this, even if it makes him dead-tired in the mornings. He starts keeping tab on Sam's whereabouts and Leah's, making sure neither is alone with one another at any time.

Embry wishes he had the strength to break free from Sam. The thought of breaking free is often on his mind, but he has felt the weight of the Alpha command and knows it's hard, almost impossible to disobey it, and he has noticed how Sam keeps him under close guard.

He is never allowed to patrol with Leah, or with Seth for that matter, nor Jake, Quil, Collin or Brady. He patrols with Sam, with Jared, with Paul. Jared and Paul admire Sam, so he can not reveal his thoughts, his concerns to them. He wonders if Sam knows what he thinks. Does he?

Embry is very aware of the fact that he is an outsider, someone with no weight in Quileute society due to his unclear parentage, not matter how furry a wolf he can turn into. At the end of the day he is the bastard son of an unwed mother and unknown father. He is seen as an outcast. Should he defy Sam and break free, he is sure he would be thrown off the rez and his mother too. Where would that leave Leah? Where would that leave his mother? He can't do that to neither. Here his mother is happy or at least happier. He remembers living in Makah, the whispers and stares. How he openly was addressed as a bastard and his mom was called a slut right to her face, because of him. Here she is treated politely, she has friends, she has a job, whereas at the Makah she was refused employment, just because she had a son out of wedlock. There is no way they can return there. Here she smiles a lot, or at least used to, before he started sneaking out at night. Now she worries about him, but finds comfort in her friends, seeking their advice in how to treat his teenage rebellion. He really wants to tell his mother about his secret, but of course Sam doesn't let him.

When Jake comes back from Canada Embry is relieved. He wishes that they all would be under Jacob's command instead of Sam's. He is sure they all would follow Jake out of love, out of friendship, whereas they now follow Sam out of fear or because being forced with the Alpha command, a command that Embry thinks Sam is misusing all the time. Sam isn't a good leader. Right know Embry is the only one, despite Leah, who thinks this, but he knows Jake, once he is not so blinded by his love drama, will become sick of Sam's ways too.

* ~ * ~ *

Once Jake breaks free, Embry wants to follow him instantly, but doesn't because of Leah. He has to make sure Leah is safe. He fears what might happen to Leah if Jake and Seth and he himself are gone, so he waits for Leah to make her move, although his mind tells him to run after Jake, and to run fast, but he follows his heart, like he always does.

He notices how Sam keeps a close watch on Leah, how he tries to dissect her thoughts the minute it's apparent what Jake has done. Sam sends a watchdog to check that she goes home, like she says she will, and orders Quil to sit under her window and alert Sam the second she makes a move in any direction. Embry is thankful it's Quil, because he can easily influence Quil to switch positions with him without having to explain anything.

When Embry sees that she makes a break for it, he doesn't alert anyone. He gives her a good head-start and intends to follow her. But first he goes to find Sam, to tell to his face that he is leaving and that he tricked Quil to let him watch Leah so she could escape too. He does this because he wants to make it right by Quil, not having Sam to punish Quil for the sake of Embry's actions. It turns out to be a mistake.

He earns himself a good beating by the hands of Sam, Paul and Jared. Jared reluctantly participates, but caves when Sam says it's the only way the pack will understand that they can't break the rules, thus being the only way to keep the imprints safe, because they will have to attack Jake and kill Bella and the demon spawn she is carrying. '_How could they do if some of their best fighters were with Jake? Does Jared wish the demon spawn to kill his Kim?' _After the beating Embry is locked up in Sam's basement, left there semi-unconscious.

Why there are chains and cuffs there, he doesn't know. Maybe Sam and Emily are in to S&M? Somehow he doubts it, and his fears for Leah intensify.

He is kept there for three days, just enough for his injuries to heal completely, just enough for Sam to think that he has proved his point.

Before he is let out he is put under an Alpha command – to never speak of what has happened to anyone. To never go anywhere near The Traitors, as they now are labeled. He is ordered to only patrol the remote areas, the once that go nowhere near Cullen land and only allowed to be phased at the same time as Sam himself.

Embry feels this is a small price to pay for the safety of Leah. He would do it all over again, just as long as Leah is out of reach for Sam's dirty paws.


	3. Chapter 3

**ALLIES**

Jacob's POV:

Leah's eyes are hazel, with flecks of gold in them. They remind Jacob of the lush forests of La Push, on the rare days when the thick greenery is penetrated by rays of golden sunlight. Her eyes make him feel at home even when he is exiled to the lands of the Cullen's.

The forest here might be similar to the one surrounding the reservation to the average persons eye, but Jacob sees and smells the difference. Looking at the color of Leah's eyes easies his heartache of having to leave his father, his sister and his friends behind to come here and protect his friend and love of his life, Bella.

The fact that Leah can be this nice and comfortable to be around is something Jacob had forgotten. In the past he recalls he used to think of Leah as the funniest, kindest and prettiest of his sisters friends. Now he finds himself enjoying her company just as much as he did when they were kids, thinking that she isn't such a bitter harpy after all, but a nice girl, a little harsh and rough, but with a kind heart. Maybe even a real friend. Yes, definitely a true friend. Her thoughts are lighter and she isn't as bitchy, bitter and hateful as she used to be the past year. Sometimes she even laughs a little. Her laughter makes him feel happy, although he can see that the smile seldom reaches her eyes. In fact, her smile _never_ reaches her eyes. Eyes that used to sparkle with happiness and life are now cautious and reserved.

He misses the light in her eyes, he wishes that light would return.

She proves to be a good listener, but he wonders why she has such walls up, why she steers clear of any subject concerning herself and her feelings, because he wishes to return the favor and listen to her and what troubles her. He wants to ease her pain as well. It helps to talk.

He has noticed how she tenses at his touch, so he tries not to touch her, although touching is his mode of communication – holding hands, patting backs, flinging an arm casually over someones shoulder. Even in wolf form he likes to bump his shoulder against his pack mates, nudge them with his muzzle, maybe even lick their faces, but with Leah this is ruled out as improper conduct. She tenses just by him standing too close to her. So he tries to not to do anything that makes her uneasy.

Does she find him repulsive, is that why she won't let him touch her? He guesses she just isn't the touchy-feely type, because come to face it, he showers more often than she does, since she refuses to enter the Cullen mansion and use their bathrooms, whereas he and her brother eat what they offer him and also use their bathroom to wash themselves every now and then. So it can't be his smell, can it? Maybe he will ask her... Or will she attack him for a question like this? Was it not for werewolf healing he, they all, would be sporting a remarkable number of scars caused by Leah's sharp teeth. Remembering the sharpness of her teeth and the viciousness of her attacks he decides to not to ask. Besides he has more pressing concerns on his mind to worry about – like Bella!

Leah is a big girl and if she wants to tell him something she will.

But Jacob can't help watching her daily and nightly routine with a slight feeling of anxiety. She patrols like crazy, day and night, never tiering, never slacking, keeping rigorously alert all the time. She is aware of any movement within their territory and outside their borders too, even if it is just a squirrel in a tree.

She seems to think Sam actually means to attack them. Jake finds this hard to believe. Would Sam hurt his own brothers, hurt Leah? Sam would never do that, of this Jacob is sure. They are protectors, not attackers. But Leah seems to be convinced of them being in real danger. She doesn't tell him this, but he can see it in how she is constantly ready for a battle, constantly on high alert. He wonders at this.

Isn't that odd for a girl who is or once was madly in love with Sam to suspect him of such a thing?

Then he starts to think of when he last heard her speaking or thinking of being in love with Sam, and remembers that he has in fact never seen these images of Sam coming from _her_. He has seen images of her in Sam's mind, of how she supposedly dreams of kissing him, how she begs him to love her, how she cries for him to come back, but never from her. How odd. Something with Sam's images disturbs him now, but what? Jacob decides to not think about it any further, because it's clear Leah does not like the subject of Sam being brought up, ever. He can see how all her thoughts go blank at the mention of Sam's name, how her hackles raise, how her body quivers under the weight of his name.

Why does Sam's name bear such a weight to Leah?

He doesn't really understand, but thinks that he might in some ways, because Bella's name sometimes causes him to recoil in a fashion he thinks maybe is a little similar to Leah's manner of blanching at the mention of Sam's name. But the intensity of Leah's feeling of hurt and betrayal is unfamiliar to him.

And most disturbing is how she sometimes looks at herself like she is disgusted by her own skin, by her own being. How can the mention of her former boyfriend's name make her act like that?

* ~ * ~ *

When Jared comes with Quil and Brady, instead of Embry, like Jacob would have expected to be in a delegation like this, Jacob's gut tells him something isn't right. Something is very very wrong. But what?

He doesn't like the way Jared tries to get Leah to return to Sam's pack, not one bit! There is something in Jared's eyes that makes Jacob's blood boil, that makes the hair on his neck to stand straight up, that makes him clench his fists. Jared's eyes conceal something and the words coming from his mouth are laced with hidden meanings.

When Leah hears the phrase 'Lee-Lee' Jacob sees the impact of the blow, like she would have been hit by a wrecking ball, making her whole frame shake. He thinks it's a punch below the belt to use a pet name like this. He believes her shaking is caused by memories of the heartache caused by Sam imprinting on her cousin. Heartache is not to be trampled with, Jacob thinks, pain caused by a frail girl with chocolate eyes and long light brown hair all too vivid in his mind.

What makes him even more pissed is hearing Jared ask Leah to 'Come home to where she belongs'. The growls coming from her tells them all that she will not do such a thing, never in her life! It is obvious to them all how she resents the idea of belonging to La Push, to Sam. Leah doesn't belong to anyone.

If Jacob didn't know any better he would think Sam had done something much worse than broken her heart. But what can be worse than breaking someones heart? Jacob can't think of anything worse than that! There isn't anything worse Sam could've done, could he? He was Sam, after all. An asshole right, but still just Sam.

And where is Embry?

The apologetic look in Quil's eyes, a look that is trying to tell him some sort of a message when Jacob asks of Embry, makes him want to charge into La Push and demand to know what the hell Sam is playing at. But he has responsibilities now, more pressing ones, like protecting innocent and frail Bella. Embry can take care of himself just fine, so Jacob stays where he feels he's needed most, by Bella's side.

* ~ * ~ *

After the meeting Jake feels furious and very confused, but something in Leah's posture makes it clear to him that a war, a civil war, might just be about to break, is unavoidable. He doesn't laugh off Leah's obsessive patrolling anymore, but joins her instead, making up a routine where two of them always patrol, whereas the third sleeps.

Is it fear he feels? To a degree, yes, but not fear of Sam, but of the possibility of being forced to stand against his own brothers.

How could it come to this?

He knows he can not harm Embry, nor Quil, not Brady or Collin. Even Jared will be hard to hurt. Only Sam and Paul will he have no problem showing the strength in him, will have no problem in fighting with. But killing? No, he would never be able to kill his own brothers, would he? Not even for Bella?

If, or when, the war breaks, they will all suffer losses and maybe he will never be able to return home.

But with the hazel of Leah's eyes by his side, for him to find strength in, he knows he will somehow be alright. She is his ally, standing by his side, that way he always has a little bit of his homeland with him, even if he is forever exiled, even if he is forced out to a war he never wanted.


	4. Chapter 4

**SIBLINGS**

Seth's POV: 

Like their father's eyes, her eyes portray every emotion in her heart, from bliss to fury, from sadness to love even when her face is completely blank. But ever since last year her eyes have been emotionless, empty. This makes Seth's chest tighten and breathing hard, hurtful. He doesn't know how to make her eyes shine again. He tries and tries and tries. And over and over and over he fails, and fails, and fails.

He wishes her to smile a real smile, the smile that makes her eyes twinkle. He wants her to let out a real laugh, a laugh that make light dance in her eyes. But he doesn't know how.

Why are her eyes dull and lifeless? _Why?_

His sister is the bravest person he knows, with the biggest and best heart. He loves her so much that he can't find words to describe even half of the love he feels for her.

But now she seems scared of letting him look into her eyes, always avoiding eye contact with him, with everyone, always staring off in to the distant when she isn't looking at her own feet or up in the skies. Why won't she look him in the eye?

He loves her eyes. He wants her eyes to shine like before so much that he feels like bursting out of his skin sometimes when he thinks of it. But he doesn't know how to reach her when she constantly closes the window to her soul, to her heart, leaving only her body to wander these forests of the Cullen's.

* ~ * ~ *

When a truce is set between Jake and Sam after Jake imprinting on Renesmee, she relaxes only when it becomes clear that Jacob decides to stay on Cullen land, that the new treaty means that there will be two separate packs. She seems happy to never return to La Push again. Seth doesn't understand this, because he has always thought that she loved the soil of her forefather's lands, that she loved their home. He remembers how she as a kid used to say that she never wanted to move away from La Push, that she would go to college and then come back and live in La Push, because "How could anyone want to leave a home as great as theirs?" What has changed now?

Maybe she finds it a relief to be away from Sam and all other memories that haunt her?

Seth was 10 when Leah started dating Sam and he thought it exciting that she had a boyfriend. He had wished for Sam to be like an older brother, and sometimes he kind of was, but not the kind of older brother Seth wished for. Seth always imagined that an older brother would be like Jacob, funny, smiling, joking and kind. Sam was nothing like that. Instead of teaching Seth how to do stuff and play baseball with him, Sam was bossy and liked to order Seth around. But the worst was the way Sam treated Leah. Like she was his possession, like he was her boss. Seth didn't like that one bit. Leah was not to be commanded around like that! She wasn't a dog for gods sake!

When Leah did something Sam didn't like, Sam became sullen and moody to the point where Leah started feeling bad and apologized. This was an ever ongoing circle between them. Sam finding faults in Leah's behavior, thoughts or even clothes and Leah arguing for her opinions and choices, which lead to Sam sulking until Leah caved and apologized. Seth believes Sam never ever has heard of the word compromise, or walking a mile in someone else's shoes.

Seth thinks its great that Sam and Leah no longer are together, because Sam never deserved to be with her in the first place, but somehow Leah has lost all her self-confidence due to Sam and this makes Seth's heart ache. He has caught a train of thought in her head: "It was my fault" once when Leah hadn't time to shield her mind, Seth had tried to ask whatever she meant, but she had got that vacant unapproachable look and yelled at him to leave her the fuck alone, so Seth didn't know what to do but go and cry behind a tree.

The weirdest with the Sam's and Leah's relationship was that Seth clearly remembers how Leah had broken up with Sam some good six months before Emily came to visit, but Sam for some reason paints up the picture like they had been together until Sam ended it all by imprinting on Emily, like those six months when Leah was giddily happy about her newfound freedom never had existed. Something with Sam's denial of those months bothers him very much.

It also bothers him very much how everyone claims Leah is jealous of Emily. It is true that Leah has tried to get Emily to leave Sam, but Seth doesn't believe it's because of jealousy, that isn't the right interpretations of Leah's actions. Sure, Leah hasn't kept her thought of that Emily shouldn't be with Sam a secret, and she openly opposed her plans of marrying him, but not for the reasons everyone assumes. Seth knows Leah doesn't want Sam back, he knows this, and Leah has such a kind heart so she wouldn't do it to hurt her cousin. No, it's something else that's behind it, but what?

He also thinks Leah is right in her view of it being unforgivable how Sam has clawed Emily's face. That is one of the reasons, Seth believes, why Leah believes Emily should leave Sam. That and something else, that something else that Leah won't let him know.

Seth hates the fact that Sam has imprinted on their cousin. And he doesn't quite understand Emily's actions since she met Sam. She is family and she used to be Leah's best friend, but still she has hurt Leah and betrayed her. But exactly how? That's the thing he can't quite understand.

It has to do something with that awful weekend when their parents were in Vancouver visiting their Great aunt, a weekend when Leah hadn't come home from work the time she was supposed to and didn't answer his calls and no one knew where she was when he called around searching for her. Everyone told him to not to worry, that she probably had stoped at the bon fire at the beach, but how could he not worry? It wasn't like Leah to not call and tell anyone where she was at, and not like her at all to leave Seth alone when their parents were away. Seth had eventually fallen asleep on the couch waiting for her to come home, only to be awoken hours later to the sound of the shower running. He had knocked on the bathroom door asking where she had been and she barked at him that it was none of his business then telling him to go to bed, and Seth felt very hurt by her words. Didn't she know how he had worried about her?

Early in the morning Emily unexpectedly popped up to visit all panicky and pale as chalk claiming Leah had called her during the night, shouting to Seth about him having to find the number to their Great aunt and call their parents at once, not explaining anything to Seth who got really scared by Emily's behavior added together with Leah's abscence the previous night. When Emily was about to rush up to Leah's room Sam had shown up, requesting to speak to Emily alone and Leah was all forgotten by Emily. Forgotten forever it seems like.

That night and that morning has something to do with what's wrong with Leah, _but what_? Because afterwards when he tried to ask about it Emily tried to laugh it off, saying it was a misunderstanding and part of some stupid stunt pulled by Leah to get attention. And Leah refused to answer or acknowledge that had ever happened. But it did happen! It did. If he only knew what _it _was.

Thinking of this drives Seth crazy because he can't make it out, and it hurts so much that Leah won't let him ask any questions or talk about it. Seth is a good listener, he is! Why doesn't she trust him? Isn't he a good enough brother to be trusted?

How can he prove that he can be trusted?

He so wishes that his sister would confide in him, but she probably still thinks he is still a little kid, which he often finds himself thinking too. He really doesn't understand that much about love and relationships, only that Sam never was and never will be good enough for his sister.

Seth is glad that they Jacob broke off from Sam's pack, but he wishes they all could be friends again and he would love for Jacob to be the Alpha of them all, and them to protect La Push, his home.

But until then he will try to bring the smile back into her eyes, and he will make sure she is never hurt by a man again. Ever!


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Paul is going to be in on the evil plan. I like Paul, so writing this breaks my heart, but Sam needs evil minions and he has manipulated Paul into being one of them.**

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**LIES**

Paul's POV:

Her eyes always shone like stars, far out of reach. He used to dream of them every night, ever since the first day in kindergarten when he met her up to his first phasing. Her eyes being the only light shining to where he was living far down in the gutter, he worshiped them and hoped to be able to reach them some day.

But as time went by he had started be enraged at how unreachable they were to him. Why was he to always wander on the ground, when she was high in the skies? That's when he started reading things in her eyes, like how she always had thought of herself as better than him. Her sharing her lunch with him all through elementary and middle school when his mother "forgot" to pack him some, her asking where he got the bruises on his arm and trying to get him to tell her parents and have him come and live with them and be her brother so his father never would hit him again, her coming to his defense when the other kids at school called him Smelly because he wore the same clothes for several days in a row not having anything else to put on, her partnering up with him in class when no-one else would because he had head lice, her buying him basketball shoes with her savings so he could be on the basketball team, all of these acts were not kindness like he had originally thought and loved her for, these were all lies. The more he heard from Sam the more he understood that it was all an act of trying to suppress him, to make him see how much more above him she was. To have him worship her and then laugh about him behind her back. Sam told him and showed him numerous of memories of how she laughed at him and called him all those hurtful things she had defended him against, showed him images of how she was the one coming up with all the names he was called. Sam made him see how everything Leah Clearwater had said and done had been a lie.

Paul had loved her with all his heart, but now he hated her, more than he ever had hated anyone and most of all he hated her shining eyes, that he now knows were nothing but false stars.

This is the reason why he is gamed for the plan Sam pitches for him. Sam is very convincing. First of all Sam makes him see how she fits the character of Utlapa very well, the traitor, the backstabber, the evil freak. Maybe Paul's father was a dead-beat drunk and his mom left when he was eleven, but at least he's not a freak of nature like her. He's a normal shape-shifter, unlike her. Abnormal things are not to be tolerated, that is what Sam has explained to him, and Paul understands because Sam explains so very well. She is a freak of nature, and as in real life a wolf-pack always drives out the sick animals, the freaks so they can't go around spreading their diseases to others. He is a protector, and as a protector it is his duty to help his Alpha in ridding their lands of _all _danger, and Leah is a danger if not kept in check.

"Taha Aki had three wives, so as an Alpha I'm entitled to a second wife." Sam reasons. "That way I will make sure Leah can't go on trying to create any more chaos and mayhem like she always tries to. I'm willing to make this sacrifice for the best of the tribe by taking her as my second wife and teaching her to behave in a respectful manner and stopping her from causing problems. I'm doing her a favor too, she needs a man leading and teaching her. You know Leah, she won't admit it but of course she wants nothing more than to have me as her husband. So this is were you come in, because she won't come willing. Always trying to create a scene that one, but after she returns in my care I'll drive those bad habits out of her."

Jared tries to say that this sounds crazy. He would never want anyone besides Kim, but Paul finds the thought of a second wife appealing. Rachel has a twin - Rebecca - and he has always fantasized about twins. There is something very sexy with identical twins in Paul's mind. If Sam manages to pull this off, then nothing will stop Paul from trying to form an arrangement between himself, Rachel and Rebecca. Why was she living in Hawaii anyway? He would never let any of his sisters, if he had any, or future daughters run off somewhere where he couldn't keep an eye on them. At least not now when Sam has explained how females lets themselves be so easily mislead without the guidance of a strong man. Just like in the biblical story of Adam and Eve. All women turned to sinners if the man didn't keep them in check, and the more Sam tells him this and gives him examples of this the more convinced Paul becomes.

Besides Paul loves a good fight, he has so much anger inside of him and he always feels cleansed after letting his anger out. Sam's words convince him that this is the only way Leah will ever learn, only way to stop her lying and put out the shine in her lying eyes. This is the only way they can keep their lands pure of the kind of poison Leah tries to spread, this is the only way the can uphold the right and natural order of things. What will happen if more girls start to behave like Leah? Thinking they can make their own decision without the advice of their brother's, father's, husband's or boyfriend's? Trying to have a say in everything and trying to run the show. Thinking they can be on the council or be the bread-winners of the family. He hates how Leah has tried to talk Rachel into finishing her law degree. Why would Rachel do that when she is going to be a homemaker caring and nurturing for his needs and their future children? He could understand if she wanted to take a cooking class for instance or maybe join a gym so her body will keep looking hot for him, but a law degree? Come on! That was the crazy idea of Rachel's before she realized what was important in life, namely raising a family and being a great wife to him.

Sam puts it so well with his words, all these things Paul thinks about women and men's places in society. It's very much similar to the things his dad used to say, although of course Sam says it much more eloquently.

Sam has made him realize that it's women like Leah's fault that his father became a drunk, because his father got sacked and a woman got his job instead leading his father into drinking. Okay, maybe his father was drinking before he got sacked, but him losing the job to that woman had made it worse and made him turn violent.

Sam sees things so clearly, and Sam knows exactly how evil and manipulating Leah is, how she tries to change things on the reservation simply because she hates men. She's a evil feminist dyke. That's right! Paul knows exactly what she truly is and she has to be stopped before she turns more women into man-hating dykes.

Sam had also promised to little by little help Paul with Rachel, because as Sam had pointed out, she has flaws, flaws Sam will help Paul to correct. It was like Sam said, girls shouldn't be too independent, they needed the more capable minds of a man to lead them and keep them straight, otherwise evil snakes like Leah could poison their minds.

Paul becomes convinced of how he hates Leah the more he listens to Sam, he hates her stupid family, the so called royalty of La Push, and he hates her stupid stuck-up ways, her know-it-all attitude. Just because she had the best grades in La Push tribal school's history and was about to get a scholarship to some fancy college (her shifting putting a stop to that). That doesn't mean anything at the end of the day. She needs to be taught a lesson, all of the Clearwater's and the Black's and the Ateara's need to be taught a lesson.

They are part of the reasons why Paul's life had been so shitty, they were the once even now trying to put a stop the social advancement of families like Paul's. As Sam said, they were old-fashioned and foolish, and that was also the reason why so many on the rez lived in poverty. Like Paul's family. Had the previous council and previous wolves exploited their strengths to their benefit, the wolves would've been worshiped like they deserved. They could've claimed lands far over the reach of what they had now, acquired riches, had power, a lot of power, had money and a good life. Everyone with the wolf gene would've been the blue bloods, the nobility of the rez and Paul would never had to been humiliated like he had been as a kid. This was the birthright Paul had been denied, Sam told him, and Paul could see how his years of having to walk in hand-me downs and clothes from the Salvation army, getting laughed at by his so called peers in school, living in a damp, narrow and cold trailer, often with very little to eat, never being able to buy anything, not even the fuckin basketball shoes that the coach required to play basketball which meant he couldn't be on the fucking team, and guess who they filled that spot with – that's right Leah fucking Clearwater, were all due to the old fools on the council keeping him from getting what he deserved by their way of running things. But now Sam was going to make sure he got everything he had been denied. Everything!

Paul knows he can't touch Jacob Black like he wishes, because if there is something he can stand less than Leah it's Jacob Black. Fuck, that is one annoying kid, thinking he is something special, acting like he's a god. Sure Paul has got Jake's sister, but that's not enough to make Jacob's life hell. Leah is someone Jacob relies on, has even made his Beta – how crazy isn't that – a girl as a Beta, that's just sick! Further proof of how Leah disrupts the natural order in society where men lead and women follow. Taking her from Jacob will hurt him, but also teach him a thing or two, and without a Beta Jacob soon enough will come crawling back to Sam begging to be a part of his pack, and Sam won't make him beta the second time around. Fuck no, Jacob Black will be the omega, and Paul sure as hell has ways of teaching the omega what it means to be the lowest of the low.

Or maybe Jacob will leave with the bloodsuckers and that's just as good. Good riddance to him!

"Did you hear that Brady has imprinted? And not on a baby either, the girls sixteen. Great, huh? We'll have a little welcoming party for her tonight. Quil's babysitting Claire so he's taken care of, won't know a thing, and Embry's still commanded to the route along the boarder to Makah, we'll send the other cubs there for him to watch while we have the party at the old shack in the woods." Sam smirks.

They all know Embry's under some sort of Leah-spell, his mind all twisted and destroyed by her evil and cunning ways and also by his mother's teachings – another example of a woman who tried to defy the natural order of things by living on her own without the lead of a husband. It's clear how that has destroyed Embry, making him disloyal to the pack and Sam and quite frankly a pussy thinking of others feelings all the time. They all knew her raising of Embry had destroyed him to the core, that's why Embry wouldn't approve of the welcoming party of Brady's imprint. Sam was right in making him the Omega and tying him to the rough terrain at their furtherest border by his Alpha command. His mother was raising hell on the rez about his disappearance and she had even ventured far in to the woods searching for him for days - crazy woman! - but Sam had commanded Embry not to approach her under any circumstances and added that if he tried Sam couldn't take responsibility to what might happen to Ms. Call. Well, that last part was a little harsh, Paul had to admit that, but Sam assured them that it was just a way of keeping Embry from doing something incredibly stupid like they all knew he was capable of. Besides Sam made them see that Ms Call was nothing but a homewrecking slut anyways, having made some crazy false accusations years ago – that Sam wouldn't elaborate on about any further - that had made the council banish his father from La Push and had her move in under their protection robbing Sam of his father, thus she deserved everything she had coming. Listening to Sam explain it Paul finds himself agreeing, because what woman robs a boy of his father? Only an evil she-devil. Ms Call should be grateful they haven't driven her out of the rez yet.

Paul has learned not to dwell on unpleasant thoughts for too long, another great teaching of Sam, so he thinks of the upcoming party for Brady's imprint and makes mental notes of remembering to bring more bottles from his father's stash of moonshine to the party.

Hopefully the girl will be real pretty, either way he's gonna nejoy it and the moonshine will help to relax her. Not that the girl would want to say no to them. Who would? They were the protector's of La Push after all.

He's giddy at the thought of finally getting to cash in on being the third in command. Kim had been out of his reach as the girl of the second, and having heard from Sam how good it had felt with Kim at her wolfgirl-welcoming party had Paul all excited on this up-coming party. This girl, Brady's imprint, he would get a taste of her, a real good taste.

_Fuck. So sweet!_

It wasn't even cheating, so he wouldn't have to feel guilty as they welcomed the girl by an all-nighter. Sam had explained that to him too. Sam always explained everything so very well, like how the leader always had the right to have any woman he wanted, that it was an honor to have the leader sleep with your imprint, even if that was you're wife to be, just like in the film _Braveheart_. When Jared had tried to protest that Braveheart had fought against the tradition of the king getting to sleep with the girls in the village on their wedding nights, Sam explained that he was the one with an A in English whereas Jared only had a C, therefore Sam, not Jared knew how to interpret and analyze the film correctly. The correct analysis was that Braveheart of course would carry on that tradition too once he became the king - so of course it was Sam's right to sleep with Kim and every other imprint or girlfriend the boys under his command might have. To get first dibs so to say.

Paul could admit that he at first had reacted against the idea of Sam sleeping with Rachel, but when Sam explained that it actually was an honor to have their leader, have the King, to sleep with a subject's wife or girl then he understood perfectly and was very willing to share – but he didn't have to since Rachel would've of course told her father and then the council would've known and the council, as Sam explained it, tried to stop the greatness of their pack. This new tradition of Sam's had to remain a secret from the old fools on the council and those idiots in the traitor pack, the once who claimed to have higher morals and right beliefs, at least until now, until Sam had taken total control of La Push like he soon enough would, and Paul would be righ beside him then.

Paul understood when Sam explained that him sleeping with everyone's imprint was Sam's right, especially when he told that Paul would get to sleep with Embry's, Brady's and Collins and all the other younger cubs imprints, everyone who's beneath him in the wolf-hierarchy. He was going to exploit that benefit fully. It was a great system. Once the cubs got older they could sleep with the one's underneath them. It was a win for everyone! Could life get better?

Besides, Sam told them, they all would appreciate if he, Sam, taught the girls, especially the virgins how to behave in bed, and also if an imprint or a girlfriend wasn't a virgin Sam could correct all those previous misconceptions of sex such a girl might have, like teaching her not to come with crazy demands of the male having to pay attention to her pleasure. The male's pleasure was all that mattered, and Paul agreed yet again with Sam on that after he explained how a real woman found her pleasure in her husbands or boyfriends pleasure. Sam was kind enough to take upon him this tedious task, such an act of selflessness on his part to have the patience to educate and re-educate his subjects girls.

Wasn't he the greatest leader ever who made sure his subjects only got the best both working for the pack but also in their domestic lives? Paul felt more and more grateful the more Sam explained.

"Tonight we'll celebrate Brady's imprint and welcome her to the pack, it's also a celebration of the great times that is yet to come! The day after tomorrow we'll bring Lee-lee back to where she belongs. Underneath me!" Sam snickers taking a swig of the bottle of moonshine Paul has brought with him and Paul smirks along just like he knows Sam expects him to. Jared, that idiot, still looks like he wants to protest, of course Paul know he doesn't dare to, is too much of a pussy. Paul can't help but think that soon enough Sam will see how he, Paul, would be a much better Beta than Jared, and he feels a warmth spread through his body, much like the effects of the moonshine that's running down his throat.

Paul's happy he has rid himself of the spell of Leah and that Sam had taken him under his wing, leading him to the real light, instead of him still gazing at the false stars in Leah's eyes. Now he can see real stars. Sometimes Paul finds himself shuddering at the thought of how he still might be complete misled if Sam had not saved him during those first months of his phasing and corrected all of his false beliefs and thoughts, those first months when it was just him Sam and Jared. And Sam spent so many nights sharing his mind and teaching and explaining things to him. That was the months Paul really learned to see clearly, and Sam likes to remind him of that very often. Paul feels nothing but grateful to Sam. He will always, always have Sam's back. He doesn't need to look to the skies or in to Leah's eyes to see stars anymore. He's living under the command of the greatest shining star ever to shine on La Push.

Sam Uley!


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Thank you so much Amanda Wilder for beta editing this! And to all of you who don't want to hate Sam, then Amanda Wilder's _1001 Jacobian nights_ gives you a Sam-experience that makes you lust after him in every possible way, wishing he was Alpha commanding you to mate with him... (Even you KeiKatJones would put him on your WILF-list after reading it.) ;)  
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**HAUNT ME**

Jared's POV**  
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Her eyes haunt him, even now when he hasn't seen her for a long while. Last time he saw her, she gave him a withering look with her wolf eyes, the time he was sent to retrieve her, _by any means necessary,_ for Sam from the Cullen lands. Looking into her eyes he has always felt like a coward, he did long before that day and he does so when he wakes in a cold sweat at night where her eyes burn in his memory.

He is a coward. He knows he is.

That's why he even now is doing this, what he knows is wrong. But he thinks nothing. He only performs. It's his orders. He has no choice. That's much easier to tell himself now, when she isn't among them. She's the only one who has ever stood up to Sam, in a way even Jacob hasn't.

Jared feels sick to his stomach thinking of things, that's why he tries to never think. It's easier that way. It's not like he could do anything about the situation anyway. He can't. He's too weak, Sam's too strong. Everything is too fucked up. It's dangerous, Sam's dangerous. And where would he go? What could he do? It's not his fault things are like this. He only follows the commands like he's supposed to, like he has been raised to do. His father had always pointed out the value of being a good and reliable hard-working man, a man who listens carefully to instructions and follows them through, a man who does as he's told. He has been raised to believe in hard work and the importance of doing as expected, in school, at work, in life.

He wishes his life was simpler, the way it would be without this wolf-thing. He never had big dreams, not like Leah. One look in her eyes and everyone knew she had that something special. Freedom, that's what he thinks it is. Fire and wildness and determination. She's always been someone, it's always been clear from the start that she is going places and he, Jared, he would not. He has always been a nobody, and really he doesn't mind, he likes to watch others, be in the shadows and right now he would like to fade out so much that no-one would notice him, so Sam wouldn't notice him.

He knows Sam has done something to Leah, has seen the change in her even before she turned into one of them. Jared knows Sam. Knows him too well, wishes he didn't know him, know what he's capable of. Jared's pretty sure he is the only one who has really seen all the true sides of Sam, besides Leah... Isn't sure even Leah knows exactly how dangerous Sam can be. He knows what Sam is capable of and as always he keeps his mouth shut. He's afraid of Sam. Always was. He has every reason to be.

He knew how Sam had put everything he had into getting Leah as his own. Had seen his obsession, the way he knew every detail of her life, had tracked down everything, following her around when she didn't see, had even sneaked into her room, looked through her diaries, her stuff. Jared had witnessed how Sam would beat up other boys who even looked at her in that kind of way, long before she agreed to date him, long before she even know Sam was interested in her. Jared had watched how he had carefully orchestrated situations that made Leah fall into his trap like a fly in a spider's web, getting more and more entangled the more she tried to break free.

He had been there when Sam paid some kids from Forks to shout racist insults at Leah and push and shove her around, and then Sam had emerged like a hero out of the woods and chased them away, pretending to have beaten them up while he secretly paid them for getting Leah scared and shook-up. Jared had followed behind when Sam brought Leah home, full of sweet words of comfort. Several things like this and finally she said yes to going out with him, Sam being her knight in shining armor and all. Jared had felt bad witnessing it, and even worse when he saw the way Sam held her like he owned her, parading her around. Silently he witnessed the way Sam slowly got under her skin, messing with her head and heart, the minuscule shifts in her, how her once confident laugh at times wavered, the smile becoming unsure on her lips if Sam didn't smile with her. Worse, when Jared saw how Sam belittled her and then comforted her, how he brushed her off and then gave her his undivided attention, hot and cold, pushing and pulling. She was so young and so trusting and it breaks Jared's heart when he remembers those times, so he decides not to remember. Besides he'd better not, it's dangerous if Sam would catch thoughts like this in his head. Ever. He's in human form right now, but if he allows himself to think and feel and remember when human, there's no saying he will be able to abstain when wolf.

He's nearing the shack now and his pulse becomes rapid, heart pounding loudly and he feels nauseous. Again. He wants to throw up, but can't, there's nothing left in his stomach. He stops, wants to turn back home, but it's not an option. He has no options, none, he's caged.

His pocket burns from where he has the stuff Sam sent him to get. Roofies. He knows Sam has used them many times before, on many girls. Maybe even Leah?

Definitely used them that one time he never will think of. The weight of that night so heavy on his soul, he feels like sinking. He refuses to think of that night, the last time roofies were used by Sam in this manner, but his body seems to remember as the nausea hits him in another wave and now he actually falls to his knees, dry-heaving, and then letting out an agonized whimper. He's on the forest floor on his hands and knees panting and crying for a long time, too long probably, he can't afford mistakes like that, because Sam is waiting and he doesn't want to be punished. He forces himself to his feet, staggers forward, wiping the tears away. _Not to think_, he orders himself. _Not to remember._

He has never spoken a word about it, neither has she, but the way she, his Kim, sometimes stares into space for hours looking so lost and fragile and broken, kills him and he can't even bare to touch her on those nights, because he's so disgusted with himself that he has to distance himself from her so that she won't catch the disease he's carrying. Or the times she winces away from his touch and how she covers herself up even when they have sex, how she always lies there rigid, quiet, eyes empty even when he with his touch tries to undo what has been done to her. What does she remember of that night? He hopes and prays nothing, because honest to God he did not want that to happen.

He has woken up in a cold sweat one time too many thinking of how he has been part of robbing her of something beautiful, how he has literally thrown her to the wolves. The one he is supposed to protect, the one who is his soul, his whole world. The one he has ended up hurting the most. He doesn't deserve her.

The roofies burn against his thigh in the pocket of his cut-offs, eating him up from inside, like the guilt, like the shame he feels. He almost, almost thinks of taking them all himself, right now, swallowing them, never waking up again. He doesn't want this, wants no part of this. But he doesn't want to die, he only wants an out. Wants a normal life, wants to forget it all.

But there is no escaping.

His thoughts become more and more frenzied. Is he as bad as Sam? He can't be, can he? He's only doing what he has to in order to survive. His father has been to war, and he has always told Jared that it's better off to be alive, than be dead, no matter what kind of hero you would be considered. Heroes end up dead, the ones who follow orders survive. He's trying his best to survive, he really is, and this is where his situation is no different from a war, he's sure of that. '_Sacrifices, there are always sacrifices in war,'_ his father used to say. _'If ever at war, Jared, do whatever you must to survive.' _But what if the cost is too high? What if his soul dies while his body goes on living?

He knows he has to be there for the beginning of it, since Sam has requested it, so he pushes faster even when his entire body rebels, still he forces it forward. He can't say no to Sam; if he did, there would be consequences. He knows all too well, has learned, ever since he was a child, never to say no to his older cousin. He has tried once, maybe twice. Never again will he try. The first time he told Sam no, led to the scar he still has on his thigh, the one he never told his mom where he got it from. Sam's pocket-knife carving into the flesh of his leg until he screamed and cried and told Sam he could have his new matchbox race car Jared had gotten for his birthday. The second and last time cost him Barney, his hamster. He still can hear Barney's panicked squeaks as Sam carved into his golden fur with his knife, tainting it blood-red, the way Barney's blood dripped on the floor, the way Sam forced him to watch as Barney was tortured and killed. If Sam was capable of doing that to Barney at the age of seven, what wouldn't he be capable of fourteen years later? Jared would rather not think about it. He had seen what Sam had done to Embry, and seen the obvious look of pleasure on Sam's face when the beating took place. Embry was lucky to walk out that basement alive. That's what Jared thinks in secret.

Paul, that moron, is so blind, never thinking of how much it might cost him to live that close to such power. Jared knows too well and secretly hopes Paul will soon be raised to the Beta-position, that he himself could fall into the quiet shadows, to be forgotten by Sam, not paid attention to, ever again. To be like Collin, like Quil, or like Brady had been before he got the imprint, the girlfriend. To be unnoticed. That's all he wishes for these days, never daring to have any dreams other than that, even that one a heavily-guarded secret, since Sam pries into their minds regularly to find something, anything to use as ammo against them.

Swallowing hard, he enters the clearing where the old hunting shack is, the party place.

"You got it?" Sam asks as he enters the shack, but it's not a genuine question since if Sam expects something to be done they will do it, no questions asked. Jared hands him the roofies, feeling them burn his hand, leave an invisible mark of shame behind them.

Jared has only failed once as Sam's Beta, and that failure had almost cost him too. Failing to bring Leah back to Sam, had Sam in such a fit of rage Jared had feared for his life, had shrank, lay belly-up in complete surrender, throat bared. Sam hadn't bit into him all that hard, he was almost completely healed the next day, but the pine trees around the cliffs would never heal, and Jared hadn't failed to notice the bruises on Emily's wrists the next day, very much the size of Sam's fingers, and had tried not to see how she grimaced as though in pain, when Kim hugged her like she always did in greeting.

"Where's Kim?" Sam demands and Jared swallows nervously, hoping Sam won't smell the lie on him. But of course he will.

"She isn't feeling well. She really wanted to come but she has a migraine, and it's really bad. I might not be able to stay all night, you know, have to check up on her." He stumbles the words out, trying to still the pounding of his heart. _Please, please Great Spirits, don't make Sam order him to go fetch her._ He really doesn't want her at a party like this ever again, never again near Sam, but that last part he knows he can't manage. So he has to settle for protecting her in the few ways he can.

Sam's eyes bore into his, before he gives a mean, lop-sided grin. "There'll be plenty more parties like this, so she won't have to worry about missing this one. Maybe I'll pay her a visit and check on her?" and the glitter in Sam's eyes sends chills down Jared's spine, making him want to throw up once more.

"Kim's not with you?" Emily asks coming up behind Sam, looking slightly disappointed. The nausea gets even worse because he remembers exactly what role Emily played the last time, will play this time, in making the new imprint feel safe and secure around the large men.

Before he makes an utter fool of himself, like by falling to the floor whimpering and begging Sam to let him go home, Paul shows up with the unsuspecting Brady and Kris, Brady's imprint, in tow. Paul's all smiles and secret looks shared with Sam and is even trying to share them with Jared, but he tries to pretend he doesn't recognize the message in them. He tries not to look at Brady's imprint at all, tries to talk as little with her as possible, stays away, so he won't feel as shitty, so he won't like her, so she will remain a stranger, not someone to care about. He doesn't succeed very well at all. She's older than Brady by a year or two, sixteen tops, but being a shifter Brady looks older than her, and he has managed to charm his way into her heart. No surprise there. Jared for once wishes the imprint magic and their shifter bodies didn't work in their favor. That this girl would've told Brady to shove it, that this girl could've escaped. The happiness radiating off of Brady makes Jared want to scream. He hates this, hates it. He knows exactly what Brady feels, having heard Brady's excitement about being invited to hang with the older boys, to being singled out by them, to be considered over Collin, over Embry, over Quil. Brady's so enthusiastic Jared can taste it in the air.

How much damage will this night do to him? And the girl? She's pretty, too pretty, and that makes Jared's heart clench even more. Had she been plainer-looking Sam wouldn't be as interested, sure he still would fuck her, but he would keep it to one time, wouldn't be coming back for seconds.

_How many times with Kim? _

Jared needs to shut his brain off, right now, or he'd put himself or his Kim in danger again. He grabs another one of the bottles of moonshine, already emptying one, letting the sour liquid run down his throat.

"Easy there." Paul laughs. "You wanna be conscious for the fun." But that's exactly what Jared doesn't want to be. He'll make sure he's drunk enough to pass out by the time Sam deems it's time to break the imprint in.

"Here." He shoves the bottle roughly into Brady's hand. He'll make sure the pup gets drunk too, too wasted to know what really happens. He'll make sure Brady is spared some of the nightmares he finds himself waking up to every night.

Right before he passes out he sees a pair of eyes, the ones that keep haunting him in his dreams, in all his nightmares. Eyes that now look at him sadly, at the state he's in. _Not much of a man_, the eyes tell him and he can do nothing but agree. He's nothing, a nobody and he wants to be nothing, he wants to forget it all, he wants to be gone, he wants to be someone else. He wants to not be there the day after tomorrow when Sam will do everything to put the light out of those eyes, the eyes that are the only thing that remind Jared that he is human, that he too could be something else, that maybe he one day could bend a bar or two of his cage and slink out. But as on all the other nights, he's still too scared to listen to that message as darkness and oblivion envelope him.


End file.
